


WIND-UP CHANGBIN

by biinu



Series: Of Withering Islands [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: But surely you must already be aware of this., Fantasy, It didn't take much to rid Seo Changbin of anything and everything that was of importance to him., M/M, Magical Realism, are you?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18286979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biinu/pseuds/biinu
Summary: Changbin grabbed Jeongin under his arms and lifted him up, pressing him tightly to his chest and leaning his head against Jeongin’s on his shoulder. Outside, he felt a giddy warmth pool in his stomach when little Jeongin buried his face in his neck, getting ready for a spontaneous nap.“You can sleep later,” said Changbin as he put Jeongin down to his feet, wiping away the tears that formed in the little boy’s eyes. He was so tired, and now that Chanbi had carried him, his feet wanted to rest.Changbin cupped his cheeks. “If you go to that pretty blue house — right over there, do you see it? — and pluck Lady Mom a wonderful flower from the garden, I will give you this present.”In his hands, Changbin suddenly held the biggest ladybug Jeongin had ever seen.





	1. A Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This is book 1 of 2 in the Of Withering Islands series. Have fun !

Changbin jerked awake at the hands of a nightmare. Ever since he started living at Lady Mom’s house, he had been free of them. Lady Mom hadn’t been his new mom for long yet. Three years had passed, and in those three years, Changbin only had good dreams.

 

This nightmare made Changbin cry, but he would not weep because he was ten years old now — two digits, which meant he was growing up. 

 

He was no longer a little boy, which meant he didn’t want to let his sobs wake Hyunjin. Hyunjin was still nine. Nine was only one digit, so he was still little and stupid, and he could get mean and laugh at Changbin. So he tried to hide his gasps under the blanket and wiped his eyes so long until he didn’t have to anymore.

 

But now his sleep was gone. What could Changbin do now? If only he paid closer attention in school; it was still difficult for him to read the clock! Thanks to the moon, he was able to see the clock on the opposite wall, right next to the door. But he struggled a lot with telling what time it was right now.

 

The long hand is on the six . . . the short hand is between four and five . . . was it thirty five o’clock or thirty four o’clock? No, that didn't sound right! There was something about the short hand being more important . . . but Changbin could not remember.

 

His fist curled over the blanket and gripped it tightly. Changbin did not want to fall asleep again. He was scared of the nightmare.

 

In the nightmare, Changbin sat by the table with his real mom and dad. Momma Changbin and Daddy Changbin gave him wonderful food to eat, and he was happy and full. Even though Changbin felt like he could fit no more food, he still kept eating because he was raised to be an obedient boy.

 

Then, done eating, Changbin was so heavy on his feet. He looked into the full-body mirror and checked his belly. He pressed hard to make it look round in the mirror, but it still looked the same, so he let go of his shirt. He was still himself, but he was so full, he couldn’t walk!

 

One step after the other he took, but it was so tiring, and he started breaking out into a sweat. It dropped from his hairline into his eyes, slid down his nose like Changbin slid down slides on the playground, and even left a salty feeling in his mouth.

 

Changbin started panicking. He was a human snail.

 

No matter how much he tried — his effort was bigger than he was, and Changbin was already six shoe boxes tall — he didn’t move much. Changbin was out of breath when he managed to place a foot in front of the other.

 

His momma and daddy were gone. He wanted to wait and wait and wait until they came and helped him.

 

But what eventually made the dream a nightmare, was that no matter how long Changbin waited for his mom and dad to save him, they never came. It had been so in real life, too. And that scared Changbin.

 

Dream Changbin reached his breaking point when Hyunjin appeared around the corner, with Changbin’s lollipop in his hand. Changbin kept that lollipop for a very special occasion. He was always told that one day, you couldn’t eat it anymore. But that didn’t matter. As long as Changbin had it and thought about the day it got important, that was all that mattered. 

 

But Dream Hyunjin was eating it. And when he saw Changbin, he started laughing.

 

Changbin blinked the dream away. The first few times he had that dream, it always ended with him realizing that mom and dad would never come for him again. Tonight, the dream had an addition: it was Hyunjin, eating what was his, making fun of him.

 

He flipped on his other side and pressed his eyes shut. “I’m going to count sheep now,” whispered Changbin into the dark. “And then I will fall asleep.”

 

And so Changbin started. He counted: one sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep — oh no, he was getting lazy. He did not want to count sheep anymore. 

 

But what could he do instead? Oh, he knew! Even though Lady Mom always said they should be kind to each other, Hyunjin wasn’t when Lady Mom wasn’t looking, so he turned around again and looked at Hyunjin, sleeping peacefully in his bed.

 

Lady Mom wanted them to share a room. Their house was so big, yet only Chan got a room all to himself. It wasn’t fair, but no matter how much he tried to beg, she did not give Changbin his own room.

 

So now he would make fun of Hyunjin.

 

He stared at him. Hyunjin’s mouth was open, his eyes shut softly and his hair covered his forehead.

 

There was nothing to make fun of. Maybe Changbin was just too nice of a person to do something like that.

 

He didn’t even know how it happened, but suddenly he found his eyes getting heavy, so, so heavy, and Changbin drifted away into a white dream land again, where nothing bothered Changbin.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Changbin was in a very bad mood.

 

Changbin had a happy spirit. He made sure to carry a smile on his face the same time he always carried the imaginary crown on his head, so that he could look tall and his back could be healthy. That’s what Lady Mom always said. When Changbin smiled, sometimes Chan, who often looked sad, smiled too.

 

Because of that, Changbin tried to smile all the time. He was thinking of his smile as a friendly flu. When he had it, other people could have it too. And that was a good thing! Not a real flu of course.

 

So he rarely was moody. But today, today Changbin couldn’t stop thinking about this new version of the dream. When he looked at Hyunjin, well, he looked away again. Today he didn’t want to do anything.

 

It only took a “Is something wrong, dear?” from Lady Mom for Changbin to start crying.

 

She pulled him into one of her warm hugs and stroked his hair as he wept. Her long, thin fingers caught his tears as they fell and then her hand fell down to his back to rub it. Changbin knew: Lady Mom knew a lot of things and a had a lot of skills, but her best skill was giving hugs!

 

“Is it Hyunjin again?” She asked when Changbin had slowly calmed down again.

 

But now you must understand; Changbin tried to _force_ himself to believe it was Hyunjin in his dream who made him cry. It wasn’t true.

 

Changbin was still very sad about his mom and dad leaving. All of the adults had said they were in a better place now, and they were protecting Changbin from above.

 

Changbin was no longer a little boy. He was ten — two digits, remember? — and he had understood where his parents had left to long ago.

 

Not having had dreams about them since coming to Lady Mom’s place, he had been able to forget. But now it struck him all over again, and Changbin’s young heart ached so much.

 

“It’s not Jin,” sobbed Changbin, mumbling the words into her neck. She pulled him away and grabbed his shoulders, making him look her in the eyes.

 

“Mom and dad?”

 

Changbin’s lip trembled, and he nodded.

 

Lady Mom’s face softened then, and her look was so full of sympathy in that moment. Do you know what it means? It means when someone is sad, she understood this sadness and felt sad for this person, too. She tapped his heart. “You have a few scars, little one.”

 

“Where?” Changbin only had bruises. Sometimes he fell.

 

“Right here,” she tapped his heart again. “And sometimes they open, and it hurts so much. But it’s normal for scars to re-open, they’re very sensitive.”

 

“What can I do to keep them closed? I don’t want to cry anymore.” Changbin’s breath quivered. Why did he cry? He was ten. 1 and 0. Two digits. He was a man now!

 

“Boys can cry,” said Lady Mom. “You know, it’s very important to cry. Only then your scars will never open again. So, now you have to promise me: you will tell me when you’re feeling sad, and you will cry when you feel like it?”

 

Changbin was hesitant about looping his pinky around Lady Mom’s. She poked his nose with it, and Changbin couldn’t suppress his laugh. She poked it again and Changbin finally hooked his pinky around hers. “Okay. So I won’t be like Chan?”

 

Her face fell. She looked cheerful and happy before, but Changbin knew she didn’t like him mentioning Chan’s sadness.

 

From what he just learned, Changbin is very sure Chan was always sad because he never really cried. So his scars didn’t heal.

 

“Chan is also struggling a little bit,” said Lady Mom, brushing her thumb over Changbin’s cheek. “Sometimes he gets so sad he doesn’t want to leave his room. You know I’m doing my best to help Chan, right?”

 

“Yes,” Changbin nodded eagerly. Lady Mom took great care of them. All she wanted was for all of them to be happy together. “Will Chan be okay?”

 

“Someday, I’m sure of it,” responded Lady Mom. Changbin reached out and touched the beautiful curls of her raven hair. 

 

“I want to have freckles like you,” said Changbin, completely forgetting what they had just been talking about. He tapped his finger across his face, placing an imaginary saddle of freckles on his nose.

 

She brought her hand to her own face. “Would you like some of mine?”

 

“Yes!”

 

Lady Mom laughed and looked at him through her long lashes. “I’m sure I can do it with a little bit of makeup.”

 

“Makeup? But I’m a boy!”

 

 _“But I’m a boy_ is no reason for anything,” warned Lady Mom, pointing at her face. “You want freckles? You’ll get them with makeup. Makeup doesn’t make girls much more prettier, it makes them look the way they want to look, and that can be anything. Doesn’t that sound like a lot of fun?”

 

Changbin’s eyes sparkled. “Yes! I want makeup freckles.”

 

She grabbed his hand and stood tall again, rubbing her hands over her dress. “Then let’s go. Maybe you’ll befriend the boy next door, then. He has a lot of beautiful freckles too.”

 

But Changbin knew it was impossible to befriend the boy next door. Next door also didn’t describe it very well - they didn’t have neighbours left and right to them, but on the other side of the road. And this road could not be crossed. Everyone knew that.

 

“Lady Mom?” Hyunjin walked into the room as she applied tiny dots of makeup on Changbin’s nose. She had asked him where he wanted them, and he said he didn’t want any on his forehead. Cheeks and nose looked pretty, Changbin had said, just like Lady Mom.

 

“What is it, Hyunjin?” She didn’t look up from Changbin’s face. Sometimes Changbin wished she was his real mom. Maybe with time he could forget she wasn’t and pretend she was.

 

He dropped himself on her bed, face first. His voice came muffled when he said, “I don’t want to be the youngest in the house.”

 

“Why? Everyone takes such great care of you, my little pumpkin.” Changbin cringed. He liked nicknames like _sweetheart_ and _dear,_ _little one_ and _little man._ But sometimes she called them apple or pumpkin, and that just made Changbin feel round. And remember his dream? It was not a very good dream.

 

Hyunjin rolled over. “Everyone’s always busy. Chan never leaves his room, and you’re either working around the house, working, or doing things like this with Changbin. And I’m always left out.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Lady Mom looked up from Changbin for the first time. She was almost done. “You just like running off alone. I’m sure if you asked me if you could to chores around the house, I would have plenty to give you.” Hyunjin grunted. Chores didn’t sound like fun, Changbin shared that opinion. “Do you want freckles too? I’ll paint some on your face.”

 

“No thanks,” said Hyunjin.

 

Lady Mom shook her head. “See? I offer something and you say no. No wonder you will end up with nothing to do sometimes.”

 

Hyunjin sat up again and stared at her and Changbin for a long time. It made Changbin’s skin perk up with gooseflesh. He didn’t like weird looks on people’s faces. “It’s not that, Lady Mom. I just think Changbin looks like you now.”

 

“So?” she hummed.

 

“I don’t want to look like you.”

 

She stopped for a second, then smiled at Changbin and brushed his bangs with her free fingers. “Is that so?”

 

“Yes,” Hyunjin got back up on his feet and walked to the door. “We are here because you can’t have children, Lady Mom. I think it’s something in your belly not working right, but Chan doesn’t tell me when I ask. Still you are our mom, even though we didn’t come from your belly. I never looked like you, so I don’t think I have to look like you, now, too.”

 

He left the room and Changbin with a weird feeling. “That was kind of mean.”

 

Lady Mom sighed, a smile making her even prettier than she already was, but Changbin knew she was a little bit hurt. All of them knew she had been a mom without kids, so she decided to give kids without moms a home. And Changbin also knew that she didn’t really like to talk about not being able to have children. “Cheer up, Lady Mom. One day I will have a baby and give it to you.”

 

Surprisingly, she barked a laugh. “You’re so adorable, pumpkin.” Changbin cringed again. _I am round._ “I’m sure once you are old enough and have a beautiful wife, you will want to keep your baby. I will be old and wrinkly then, but I will be the best grandma I can.”

 

“How do I find a wife?” said Changbin, looking into the mirror. She had finished off the freckles. His face was spotted with something crusty; Lady Mom had said to peel them off in an hour, and then he will have clean, natural-looking freckles for a little while.

 

Lady Mom stroked his hair and kissed his head. “Don’t worry about that just yet. When the time is right, you will find someone who completes you. Someone you will respect and who will respect you. Teamwork is important, okay?”

 

“Okay, I will wait for my wife, then.” Changbin tapped the crust on his face, but Lady Mom stopped him. She warned him again to let it dry properly before peeling it off, and then she let him go outside to play.

 

 

 

He stopped at the door, then he realized he had a better idea!

 

Spinning on his heel, Changbin ran upstairs. He ran as if his life depended on it, and only stopped in front of Chan’s door.

 

Knock, knock, knock knock, knock. Knock. Knock. “Changbin!” he waited for his brother’s reply. 

 

Sometimes it felt weird to call the others his brothers. For example in school, sometimes his friends made fun of him for being part of a patchwork family. A patchwork family is a family made up from people who were put together, often not related to each other by blood or not all of them are. Changbin didn’t see anything wrong with it, Lady Mom always said, “If people love each other and it’s healthy and happy, anyone can be anyone’s family.” But his friends said a patchwork family was not a real one.

 

“Chaaangbin! It’s Chaaaangbin!” he called again, waiting for his brother’s response.

 

“What do you want?” His voice, muffled.

 

“Come play with me outside!”

 

“I’m busy, Changbin. Go away.”

 

“Can I come in?”

 

A moment of silence.

 

“Fine.”

 

Changbin opened the door to find Chan in his bed, covered in his blankets, staring at the wall. He was looking at his back from where he stood. A lot of clothes lay around the floor and formed a tiny mountain on his desk chair. His desk was covered in books and paper, pens and pencils on the floor. His curtains were pulled shut, so the first thing Changbin did was pull them open.

 

“Ugh — Changbin! Did I ask you to do that?”

 

Changbin curled his fingers at the side of his face. “Waaaaah! Vampire Chan’s doom — the sunlight! Waaaah!”

 

Chan even giggled a little at that, and Changbin was satisfied. Chan’s room often looked like this. Changbin will ask Lady Mom how to fold clothes and how to tell dirty and clean clothes apart (“You can’t go to school like that, little one! Your pants are so dirty!”) and then he will do all of this for Chan.

 

He ran over to Chan’s bed and jumped him. His older brother, only thirteen but still the greatest in Changbin’s eyes, grunted and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. “What do you want.”

 

“I want you to get out of bed, and I want you to play something with me.”

 

“I don’t want to play anything. I want to sleep.”

 

“Waaaaah, Vampire Chan. I will ask Lady Mom to put as much garlic as we have in the house in all of our meals. It will be _so delicious._ ”

 

“Then you’ll have to wipe a puddle of Chan up,” Chan chuckled, still keeping his eyes shut. Changbin brought his hand to his face and tried to pry his eyes open, quickly pulling them back when Chan resisted, making the whites show. “I didn’t know vampires melted when they eat garlic.”

 

“I don’t know if they do. I just assumed they did.”

 

“We’ll have to try it out!”

 

Changbin spread himself out on top of his brother, drawing more grunts out of him. He put his feet up against the wall and pushed Chan with his head — until he fell off the bed.

 

“Ouch,” Chan rubbed his head. “Are you crazy?”

 

“No, and I want you to play with me outside,” said Changbin. Success. Hopefully. Soon!

 

“Boys, what are you doing—” Lady Mom entered the room, driven by the sounds of playful fighting.

 

She looked around the messy room and sighed. “Changbin, how about you go outside and let me clean you brother’s room with him? It seems it’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

 

“But I want to play with Chan—”

 

“Chan will join you outside later.”

 

With a pout on his face Changbin tried to convince Lady Mom, but it didn’t work. Chan already rose and started picking up the clothes from the floor, shoving them into the laundry basket. 

 

While Changbin left, he still heard Lady Mom ask, “How are you, Chan?”

 

And he listened for a reply, but Lady Mom did not get one.

 

 

 

 

 _I think Chan is very attached to his real momma,_ Changbin thought as he walked outside alone. (He didn’t feel like playing with Hyunjin because he had hurt Lady Mom’s feelings.) _Chan misses her a lot. Does he miss her so much he doesn’t want to see the world?_ Changbin thought their garden was very pretty. He wasn’t sure Chan even paid attention when he walked outside in the morning and came back from school in the afternoon. But it was okay. One day, Chan would be fine again. He had Lady Mom’s support, because even though she was trying to be his new mom, she understood that Chan felt so broken over losing his real mom. And Changbin loved Chan so much, too. He was sure Hyunjin did as well, though he was weird with showing it. But at least Changbin had a lot of love stored. He could give it to anyone.

 

Outside, nothing was going on. The streets were always empty, a car rarely ever passed. It was almost impossible actually, because the road could not be crossed. Every now and then a postman would come, though, and CHangbin thought he was like a magician. Because the road could not be crossed.

 

That’s what Lady Mom always said.

 

They could play outside, go to school, meet with friends, do anything and everything, but they could not cross that road. Changbin often found that even if he thought about doing it the tiniest bit, it disappeared right away. It was _really_ as if nobody could cross the street. 

 

He’d even suspected that Hyunjin would do it sometime. But he never did. He never even looked at that blue house across the street. Sometimes they’d see their neighbours, and then they’d wave to be polite. But they never really got to talk to them because they, too, never crossed the road.

 

 _Why did the chicken cross the road?_ Changbin thought as he jumped over the cobblestone, picking out chalk from his pockets. _It didn’t cross at all. Stupid joke._

 

He did not like the cobblestone. He couldn’t paint pictures on it very well. But then again, why was he doing it in the first place? He was a man now. Men did not play with chalk on the floor.

 

But that’s not what Lady Mom would have said. He was sure Lady Mom would have said that boys could smell like flowers and fruits and draw with chalk on cobblestone and paint all of their nails, and they will still be the manliest men in the world. And because Lady Mom said that, Changbin believed it.

 

He continued to play with the chalk — or well, more like struggle with it — until one of the boys stepped out of the blue house. Many boys lived in the blue house, that he knew. He saw them often but alwayss as a group and he never talked to them, ever. 

 

Changbin stared at him.

 

The boy stared at Changbin.

 

Changbin dropped his chalk and brushed his hands clean on his pants. What did he want? He was not holding anything in his hands, and he did not look like he wanted to go anywhere.

 

He just looked at Changbin, and that kind of confused him. He never liked weird looks on people’s faces. He never did. This one he didn’t like either.

 

Changbin went back to drawing. The boy was making him feel a little strange. He was almost . . . scared. Changbin wanted to go back inside. He would help Chan clean his room. He would seek out Hyunjin somewhere.

 

He forced himself to look up again and oh — the boy had walked over to the sign further down the road. The sign read The Road That Can’t Be Crossed. There was another one on Changbin’s side of the road, too.

 

Changbin watched the boy kick the sign until it fell over.

 

 _What is he doing_ . . . Changbin slowly put his chalk back into his pockets, ready to go back home. He never wanted to cross the road, now. If all the boys in Mr. Byun’s house were this strange, he didn’t want to meet them.

 

Suddenly the boy pointed at the sign close to Changbin, the one that read the very same thing. When he’d made sure Changbin looked at the sign, he formed his hands around his mouth and yelled, “It’s just a stupid name!”

 

 _Okay,_ Changbin thought. _I don’t know what he’s talking about._ The boy gestured for him to kick the sign, too.

 

But Changbin didn’t do that. He waved goodbye and went back inside. The weird boy was giving Changbin uncomfortable feelings, the same feelings he had when he was feeling round, and you know Changbin never liked those feelings. So he had to go home.

 

It was indeed a very strange encounter. He’d seen the boy before, but never alone. Either he was with the other boys or Changbin himself was with his brothers or Lady Mom.

 

It was the first time he’d met one of the boys alone.

 

And that was the last he’d see of that boy for the next nine years.


	2. Nine Years

Today was the day Changbin officially became a man.

 

All those years ago, he thought two digits would do the trick. But over the years that followed, he realized there was a lot to be learned.

 

Often, Changbin had felt like Chan.

 

He got older and he started to understand him. And for some reason, he didn't want to. At least not in the form of living it himself — experiencing the pain of growing up, and juggling the pain of missing parents.

 

Oh, but today was such a wonderful day! Groggy from sleep, Changbin cracked a smile looking out of the window — beautiful white sheep swimming in the clearest of oceans.

 

He stretched and drank water. A few years ago, through his friends at school, Changbin got interested in doing exercises to make his body look a certain way. So he did those exercises in the morning before breakfast and at night.

 

“Happy birthday!”

 

Changbin turned to see . . . Oh who was it, it was Hyunjin!

 

Lady Mom had sat down often with Hyunjin over the years, and talked to him about how to be in the world. Changbin rarely got any of those talks, but that was probably because Changbin was always a very nice boy and grew up to be a very nice — real — man.

 

And Hyunjin had been a little, mean boy and grew up to be a very nice young man, too.

 

He hugged Changbin and his hugs reminded him of Lady Mom. Surely she had prepared something for this special birthday; she had, for Chan, too!

 

“Wanna see my present?” Hyunjin wrapped his arm around Changbin's shoulders and guided him to the living room.

 

Lady Mom’s house, their house, was huge.

 

It had four storeys. The fourth storey was for all of their bedrooms. The third was special rooms, such as a library and guest rooms and really huge bathrooms. The second was, in Changbin's opinion, unnecessary. It was not decorated and there was no furniture. And the first one was for kitchen and living rooms.

 

In the living room, Changbin was forced to drop to his knees. Why? Because of Jeongin!

 

Jeongin was the last boy Lady Mom would take in. She took him in because someone told her there was a boy whose parents had not gone to that distant place where they helped Lady Mom watch over him. This person told Lady Mom that Jeongin’s parents could have taken care of Jeongin themselves, but they didn't want to.

 

Lady Mom even said she met them. Which meant when Jeongin grew up, he could meet them too. Changbin never wanted to meet those people.

 

Changbin was a little bit shocked to find out that they simply gave their newborn baby — Jeongin was soooo small — to someone else. But Lady Mom said that was simply the way of the world.

 

So Changbin made sure that Jeongin still grew up with a lot of love. Of course Lady Mom would see to it too, she was a wonderful mom, and so wise. At school sometimes his friends made fun of her for having a baby when her oldest son was nineteen. But Changbin didn't care about that.

 

He let Jeongin squish his cheeks. Jeongin was three now, and he was growing only slowly. He could walk well, even run for twenty seconds without falling, but speaking was still a bit difficult for Jeongin.

 

“Chanbi’s old,” said Jeongin as Changbin pulled him into a hug and carried him to the kitchen.

 

“My old?” responded Changbin, making Hyunjin roll his eyes. But then Hyunjin grabbed a box off the table and handed it to Changbin. “That’s totally the Hyunjin speaking.”

 

He sat and placed Jeongin on his lap. The little boy was wriggling and kicking his legs and clapping his hands. “Are you excited that I'm old now?”

 

“Cae!” Jeongin had a problem with consonants at the end of words. Consonants are letters of the alphabet that are not a, e, i, o or u. And so Jeongin liked to call Changbin _Chanbi,_ Hyunjin _Hyunji,_ Chan _Cha_ and cake? _Cae._

 

“Later, later,” said Hyunjin and asked Changbin to open his present. “Chan ordered a really awesome cake. He didn't get the day off, by the way. When he gets back from work we'll celebrate well.”

 

Changbin's friends at school often made fun of Chan. Chan was twenty two now, a real man and working now, but he still didn't have a girlfriend and he still lived with their patchwork family. But they just didn't understand. Living with Lady Mom was so wonderful, now that Chan was feeling a lot better, he didn't want to leave. And Changbin was a real man now, too, and he was sure he didn't want to leave either.

 

Hyunjin's present was wonderful. Changbin liked books, and he often read out to Jeongin. No, Changbin _loved_ books, and he wanted to write one. So Hyunjin's present was very wonderful because it was a heavy set of four books. It was like this: you read the first book and understand it very well, and the second book continues where the first book ended, and so on. If it was not like this, Changbin would have to carry one very big book. And that wasn't very comfortable, was it?

 

He thanked Hyunjin for the thoughtful present and put Jeongin down again — his uncontrollable wiggling made Changbin a little bit nervous. Lady Mom came out of the kitchen with a silver tray of food, and it smelled so good and looked so pretty that Changbin wanted to eat all of it.

 

“We're going to have to eat without Chan,” said Lady Mom, placing all of the dishes on the table with Hyunjin's help. She had a few wrinkles now, just around the corners of her eyes, but she was as beautiful as ever. Ever since that day Lady Mom had first painted freckles on his face, Changbin started doing it frequently.

 

He got older and learned how to do it himself. Today, he started his final year of having the first digit 1 in his age, but he was still doing it. When the freckles faded, Changbin painted them on again. Sometimes Hyunjin told him he forgot how he looked like without them, and that was okay. He also didn't care that his friends at school made fun of his not real freckles.

 

But he loved them very much. Because even though Hyunjin didn't want to look like Lady Mom, Changbin did. She was his mom but he did not look like her, and he wanted to. So the freckles were the easiest thing he could do about this wish.

 

They sang at the breakfast table and they ate and ate and ate. Changbin soon stopped eating, saying that even though it was his _cheat day_ he would not eat _too_ much. A memory of a dream about a human snail popped into his brain.

 

But Changbin was unafraid now.

 

The doorbell rang and Changbin got up to receive the guest. Maybe it was Chan —  it’s very likely he forgot his keys again. That happened every once in a while.

 

It wasn’t Chan. It was the postman. An older man with a weird moustache, shaped like a schooner without the masts, and a broad neck.

 

And he brought a light package. Changbin took it, spoke goodbyes and thanks, and returned to the table.

 

“Another gift? From your friends?” asked Hyunjin as Changbin placed it on the table.

 

“It only says ‘from me’,” said Changbin, eyeing the package closely. It was a regular box. _From me?_ Who could that have been? He was so curious. He was dying to find out!

 

“How about you open it in your room, Changbin?” suggested Lady Mom. “Let’s finish up eating and clean the table.”

 

Changbin was in charge of feeding Jeongin. Jeongin’s mouth was covered in hobakjuk, his healthy dessert. Jeongin was not allowed any sweets yet. Changbin’s grip on the little spoon was very light, so Jeongin was able to pull it out of his hand with his mouth.

 

“Give it back,” chuckled Changbin, trying to pry it out of Jeongin’s mouth. His little teeth kept that from happening. Then he dropped the spoon into his bowl.

 

Jeongin put a hand into his hobakjuk. “Jeongin—!” Changbin groaned. He grabbed a towel and cleaned his hand. “Don’t do that! I’m feeding you for a reason.”

 

But however much Changbin tried to feed Jeongin after that, Jeongin kept avoiding the spoon. He gave the last of the dessert to Hyunjin to finish, then wiped Jeongin’s face and patty fingers clean and carried him to his room for a nap.

 

Lady Mom would always take care of Jeongin in the beginning, but he grew very dear to Changbin’s heart. He was only nineteen years old now, but as a big brother he felt like he had to raise the little one.

 

Jeongin could not fall asleep if he wasn’t holding Changbin’s hand. Pacifier in his mouth, covered in layers of blankets, tiny hand holding onto Changbin’s thumb, Jeongin slowly drifted into sleep. The boys had carefully decorated his nursery when he first joined them — Jeongin was the first and only boy Lady Mom took in a few weeks after birth. Hyunjin, Changbin and Chan had all been at least five years old, and for that age cribs and strollers and all those funny toys were not necessary anymore.

 

And only then, when Jeongin’s chest started heaving up and down more slowly, Changbin was able to leave him alone.

 

The first thing he did after that was to help Lady Mom clean up. After a while, he told her to go rest and that he and Hyunjin would take care of it. She did so much for them already, she deserved to lay down a little bit. When he was done, Changbin climbed the stairs all the way up to the fourth storey, where he slipped past Chan’s and into his own room.

 

A package! How exciting. Who could this _from me_ be? Did he send himself a package? No, he would have remembered that. He quickly glanced out of the window — his desk was right below.

 

And it struck him. It was brief, a flash of a memory.

 

Only a thought.

 

No, he _knew_ who sent him that package.

 

There was nobody outside, but tall as always, a house waited at the other side of the road. Lady Mom always told them to stay away from the road and never cross it.

 

But it must have been from that boy, all those years ago. Do you remember him? There was a boy once who kicked the sign reading ‘The Road That Can’t Be Crossed’ down and asked Changbin to do it too. But he scared Changbin a little bit, so he didn’t do it.

 

Now he was older, and he still remembered that boy. The boy must be around his age now, too. He sometimes thought about him.

 

And now that he was looking out of the window with that box in his hand, Changbin was sure. He was sure the boy had sent the package.

 

Which didn’t make sense, because people from the other side of the road shouldn’t be able to send packages to their side of the road. Nobody could cross it. Not even postmen, Changbin grew up to learn. It all didn’t make a whole lot of sense. But then again, which things in life did ever truly make sense?

 

But Changbin knew. It was him. Him and no one else. It was a burning feeling inside of Changbin’s tummy that simply convinced him it was that boy. And now he was dying to find out what was inside. Are you, too?

 

He tore the box open and then threw everything into the bin. His room had to stay nice and tidy. When he saw the content of the box, he was a little bit disappointed, but also very confused.

 

There was a pair of shoes. Tidy, black, shining.

 

And a wooden ladybug, about the size of his palm. Not painted, but the carving in the brown wood and the shape showed him that it was supposed to be a ladybug.

 

He didn’t know what the ladybug meant. Do you have an idea? Changbin thought that maybe, the boy had made it himself. It is very dangerous to carve things into wood with a sharp knife, but some people learned how to do it well and they could make nice things out of it. It’s a good skill to have! Like this, you will never have to worry about birthday presents again.

 

But this ladybug was so perfect with no jagged edges at all, that Changbin couldn’t believe it was made by hand.

 

He didn’t know what it meant, but it was very cute. It had a friendly face carved into it. Changbin put it on his windowsill, next to a small plant. A room was nothing without cute decoration; no matter your age, it is important to make your room feel like home! And the ladybug helped this feeling.

 

And the shoes? Carefully, Changbin put them on the ground. He slipped into them, and surprisingly, they fit perfectly. They looked very pretty from above, but when Changbin looked into the mirror, it was a little bit awkward. He felt like he was wearing someone else’s shoes.

 

He took them off right away. Again, he was very thankful for the gift. But it just looked a little weird on him.

 

How was Changbin going to say thanks?

 

He rushed downstairs to meet Lady Mom and ask for her advice. Lady Mom had a lot of wonderful ideas — even though Changbin couldn’t go to the other side of the road, she would probably still find a way to say thanks for him.

 

“What do you think I should do?” asked Changbin after telling Lady Mom about his struggles. Lady Mom always had a solution for _everything._

 

She put a finger on her lips in thought. Lady Mom had very beautiful eyes. They were bright green, like an emerald. Do you know what it is? It's a gemstone. And Lady Mom looked like she had two gemstones in her eyes. It was very pretty, and also very rare. Most people around here had brown eyes, like Changbin. But no matter how common they were, brown eyes were really pretty too.

 

And those pretty eyes were very focused, trying to come up with an idea for her son.

 

“There's not much you can do, dear,” said Lady Mom. Changbin was a little disappointed. He'd been so sure she would find a way Changbin could say thank you. “But just think about it. The person will know you won't be able to stop by and say thanks. But people can feel when others are grateful.”

 

“What if the person doesn't, though? I will feel so bad.”

 

“You wouldn't know, would you? Don't worry about it, dear.”

 

Changbin wanted to say something else, but then Jeongin started crying. Lady Mom sighed and put down her book.

 

“It's okay, Lady Mom. I'll take care of it.” And Changbin did. Still thinking about his presents, Changbin left for Jeongin's room. He hadn't napped for very long, which surprises Changbin a lot.

 

Usually Jeongin sleeps like a rock for many hours, but now not even one had passed.

 

Inside Jeongin's nursery, Changbin found something else that surprised him.

 

Hyunjin was sitting next to Jeongin on the floor, and for one second, Changbin was very scared. His memories of when he and Hyunjin were little boys came back. Remember? Hyunjin was never really nice to anyone. So Changbin thought he was hurting Jeongin, making him cry!

 

Thankfully, Changbin realized that that wasn't true. In fact, Hyunjin was trying to comfort Jeongin!

 

A good feeling spread in Changbin's chest. Thank God! He also felt a little bad for assuming bad things about Hyunjin. Sometimes, people do bad things and become better people later. But the memories of what they used to do stay. Still . . . It is very important that you give people a chance!

 

Jeongin did get quiet at the sight of Changbin.

 

When Hyunjin noticed he was there, he made way for his brother right away. Changbin kneeled next to him and rubbed Jeongin's belly, making the toddler laugh through tear-filled eyes.

 

“His red nose is so cute,” laughed Hyunjin and Changbin smiled. He didn't see him do things with Jeongin very often. Most of the time, Hyunjin liked meeting his friends.

 

He often came home smelling of something Changbin didn't like. He was sure Hyunjin was trying to hide the smell with something more pleasant, like flowers for example, because many flowers smell very, very good. But Changbin still smelled the unpleasant smell under that coat and it made him cough sometimes.

 

Hyunjin smelled like this again now. Changbin didn't want him to stay long next to Jeongin like that. But he didn't want to say anything.

 

“It seems he can't sleep well,” said Changbin and lifted the toddler out of his crib. “I'll go on a walk with him.”

 

“Can I join?” Changbin hadn't expected to hear this from Hyunjin. But of course he couldn't say no.

 

They had ice cream and Jeongin had danpatbbang. It was difficult to take bites out of it but Jeongin managed.

 

The sun shone brightly today. It was a good day. They had fun and Jeongin was able to run for longer than two minutes without falling. Hyunjin had to go fetch him when he ran off to a group of school girls, who started cooing and pinching his cheeks.

 

“Long time no see,” Changbin heard someone say behind him, and it was his friend Wooseok.

 

All of you probably have a very best friend. Someone you could always count on. When you fall playing outside, this person will be the first to come running. Or when you are feeling sad, this person will do anything they can to cheer you up. From funny faces to lame jokes to listening to your worries. It is someone you can see by your side forever, hand in hand walking through life.

 

Isn't it so very nice?

 

Wooseok was this person to Changbin.

 

He was a little weird, but he had a special place in Changbin's heart. Wooseok liked to dye his hair in every color he imagined, and Changbin thought it was a lot of fun.

 

Changbin also tried to ignore Wooseok’s height. (Wooseok was nearly two Changbins tall.)

 

Growing up, when the others got mean to Changbin, Wooseok would growl at them and then they'd leave him alone. And of course Changbin couldn’t forget Wooseok’s friendly mom.

 

When she was baking, the whole house smelled like everything wonderful on earth. And she often gave Changbin a box with things she had made to take home and share with his siblings. At Wooseok’s he always ate until he felt so round he could roll out of the door.

 

Wooseok had said “Long time no see”, but the last time they had seen each other was yesterday.

 

Before he knew it, Wooseok trapped Changbin in a hug from behind. “Happy birthday!”

 

_Oh! It's my birthday; I already forgot!_

 

While Hyunjin played a little with Jeongin, Changbin kept an eye on them and told Wooseok everything that had happened today. And he told him about the presents, too.

 

“Just go say thanks, duh.”

 

“I can't cross the road.”

 

“Right right, your fam is superstitious like that. Then find a way to have _them_ come over.”

 

Changbin rubbed his chin and mulled this over. It didn't sound like a bad idea, did it? If he found a way to get the boy to come over, he wasn't crossing the street himself, and there would be no problems, right? “I think I might give it a try. I'll ask Lady Mom.”

 

Wooseok cringed. “Why do you keep calling her that? I have another friend who's adopted. She just calls her new parents by their first names.”

 

“I don't want to do that.” It was a weird thought to Changbin. Seoyoung _, can you help me with my homework? Seoyoung, what can I do to get a certain person to cross the road?_ Or Jeongin would probably say, _Seoyou!_

 

“Do what you want, but you have to admit Lady Mom is a weird name.” Wooseok ordered a weird lemon drink. It was colorful like his hair, but when Changbin took a sip, it simply tasted like lemon drops.

 

“I think you should sleep over today.” It had been a while since Wooseok last did that. Changbin slept over at his place often, but Wooseok didn’t sleep often at his. They could talk about all of this and they could have fun, too. Wooseok was a fan of Jeongin’s, so there would be no problems at all with Changbin having to babysit a little bit more. Lady Mom was out tonight because of work.

 

Wooseok finished up his drink with three more sips. He was quick! “Because it’s your b-day, I will. What do you wanna do?”

 

“We could watch a movie. Just talk.”

 

“Sounds fun enough to me!” said Wooseok and put down his drink. Hyunjin was returning with Jeongin on his shoulders. Jeongin looked a little scared, but his face also said ‘wow!’ because Jeongin was so high up. He should try have Wooseok carry him; he’d feel like he reached space!

 

They stopped at Wooseok’s place before going home. He had to pack a few things like toothbrush, toothpaste, things to change into and more for staying over. In the meantime, Wooseok’s mom cooed at Jeongin and gave Changbin a lot of pastry to eat. Changbin didn’t want to eat so much anymore, he was paying a lot of attention to his body, but the pastry Wooseok’s mom made simply smelled too good.

 

Wooseok chased Jeongin during their walk home, and Jeongin’s excited screeching and falling but getting up and Wooseok’s laughter and Hyunjin’s happy calm made Changbin happy, too.

 

It was a little bit like he was empty inside, a hole in his chest. But this hole was filled to the brim with good feelings when he saw the others having fun. The only bad feeling Changbin had was that he worried a little bit about Chan. He still hadn’t come home, and the day was slowly coming to an end.

 

Chan always came home for his hour break. Taking the car, the company wasn’t far away. But today he hadn’t come. It was a bit strange. But maybe Chan was visiting Younghyun, and that’s why he hadn’t come home yet. Changbin tried not to think about it too much. But it was his birthday . . . and Chan never missed birthdays . . . It made Changbin a little sad.

 

“I’m picking the movie!” said Wooseok when they settled in Changbin’s room. It was very big, and in the wall, Changbin had his own TV. It used to be Chan’s, but for some reason, he didn’t want it anymore. Changbin’s bed was also really big, so Wooseok, Hyunjin and Jeongin all sprawled out on it and there was even some space for Changbin left. He had no idea where Lady Mom had found such a big bed, but he liked it a lot.

 

While Wooseok was playing with the remote and Changbin rubbed Jeongin’s back, Hyunjin suddenly pointed at Changbin’s desk. “What’s that?”

 

It was the ladybug. Changbin had forgotten to hide it. Did he even have to hide it? Why did he feel like Hyunjin shouldn’t see the ladybug? Well, it was too late now, anyway!

 

“Ah, the ladybug thing,” Wooseok chuckled and rolled off the bed. He snatched it off the desk and threw it at Changbin. He was so surprised he didn’t catch it, and the ladybug hit him in the chest. It was hard and it hurt.

 

“Where did you even get that?” said Hyunjin, taking it from Changbin who was rubbing his chest. Jeongin had fallen asleep in his lap.

 

At first, Changbin hesitated a little bit. He still felt like Hyunjin should not know . . . he couldn’t explain that feeling very well if he had to, but it was there. It was so strange. Hyunjin was his brother after all. He had told Wooseok, so why couldn’t he just tell Hyunjin, too?

 

“Hello-oh?” Hyunjin waved his hand in front of Changbin’s face.

 

Changbin sighed. And then he told the story again. He also talked about what happened nine years ago. Do you remember that? It was in the first chapter. The weird boy that Changbin hadn’t seen since and now was sending him strange things.

 

“You know what?” said Hyunjin when Changbin finished. “This ladybug thing . . . that’s something Chan-hyung would like a lot, don’t you think?”

 

Now that he thought about it, it was true. Chan liked animals a lot. Because Lady Mom was allergic to fur, Chan had never been allowed to have a pet, until he decided to have parrots instead of a cat or a dog. And after that he had turtles, but one day they simply disappeared. Changbin had no idea how that worked. Turtles are slow! Chan didn’t have a pet after that for a long time, until he found out that pet beetles were very popular in a different country, and he decided to have one because he thought it was interesting. That was the weirdest pet to Changbin, but it was okay. He had books about butterflies and even weird figures that looked like real animals but couldn’t move . . . Changbin had a suspicion about those weird figures, but he did not like it, so he did not ask.

 

A wooden ladybug like this, Chan would surely like it a lot. It fit with his things. It matched the things he liked. Changbin wasn’t a fan of gifting gifts to other people, but he did not have any use for a wooden ladybug like this, and he would be a lot happier if Chan knew how to use it.

 

Once Chan came back, Changbin would give it to him.

 

Except this day and the days after that passed and Chan didn’t come home. Changbin and Lady Mom often talked about where he could be and tried to call him many times, but they were never able to reach him.

 

Jeongin started asking about Chan too, and that made Changbin really sad. Lady Mom went to the police and told them, and they said that they could look for him but adults usually never vanished in this area. They said it was possible Chan left by himself because he wanted to.

 

Lying awake at night, Changbin always thought that couldn’t be possible. He’d left all of his favourite things at home. His clothes too. If Chan really wanted to leave without telling them, he would take important things with him. But it wasn’t like that at all. And at the same time, Changbin was still wondering how he could say thank you about the presents. He didn't like looking at the ladybug anymore because it reminded him too much of Chan. It's not good to think about the worst things first, but did Changbin have a choice?

 

Changbin and Hyunjin sat everyday waiting for him to come. Waiting for the police to do and say something! But as the days passed, nothing seemed to happen. They dragged on and on and on . . . so slowly . . . and Changbin was even sadder at the end of each passing day.

 

Wooseok said, “Wherever he is, I hope he’s safe.” And Changbin didn’t like thinking about the possibility that he wasn’t.

 

Changbin spent most of his days with Wooseok and Jeongin now, trying to make sure to stay busy while he waited for Chan. One day when he was not home, a bunch of letters arrived for him.

 

When he later tore them open, he found them full with sticker sheets. Colorful, pretty stickers. So many of them Changbin lost count. At first, he hoped a little that Chan had sent them for Jeongin. Chan and Jeongin often sat outside together, coloring funny pictures and decorating them with a lot of stickers.

 

Jeongin had also plastered his crib with stickers simply because he wanted to. Every now and then, Changbin found one in the most random places, for example behind the TV when he went to turn it on.

 

He wanted to believe they were from Chan, simply because he liked them so very much, but then he found a letter in one of the envelopes.

 

_Sorry my letter took this long to arrive. Thank you for taking me seriously. I won’t build your trust on a foundation of lies; I can’t tell you if your interest will be worthwhile. Just do what you think is right and the universe will align it to what it has in store. We’ll see what happens then, with that ladybug and the shoes._

 

_Hope Chan comes back soon._

 

_Cheers, J._

 

When he finished the letter, Changbin was so curious he couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. What was J short for? Who was J really? It had to be the boy from nine years ago, of course it had to be him. But who was he, and how did he know about all of this? It's no lie that he knew more than Changbin and was different from what Changbin thought. He even knew about the stickers . . . he seemed to know everything! If only he could meet him and talk to him and say thank you for the present and the stickers, too.

 

Like this, he was even more sure that he needed to try. He needed to try and find a way to find out about all of this. He wanted to know.

 

While playing with Jeongin, Changbin didn’t pay a lot of attention. He was thinking about all of this, and . . . came up with a plan. And a plan in case the first didn’t work. And another one. Changbin never thought it would be this easy . . . but it did feel like it. The letter simply didn’t let him go. It was like a hug, a really tight one, and Changbin was too polite to pull away. Changbin wasn't much of a smart thinker — sure, he was not stupid, but he didn't like making plans and sticking to them. But these plans felt really . . . normal. As if it was something he needed to do.

 

At night, Changbin could not sleep. His plans were floating in his head, and he tried to picture them like a movie in front of his inner eye. His imagination showed him that they were possible. He didn’t know what could happen, but it was possible to Changbin. He couldn't stop thinking about Chan either, but for some reason — now that he had another goal — Chan got pushed into the background.

 

He made up his mind.


	3. Plan A

Plan A was very easy. All he had to do was talk to Lady Mom. She needed to tell him what she knew about the other side and why exactly they weren’t allowed to go there. In the other house, at least five other boys lived. They were all his age! So how come he could never go talk to them? He would only ever see them very briefly. In the past nine years, though, he only ever saw four out of five — you can probably guess who the fifth one was. And two out of those four he kept seeing more rarely as well. 

 

They were boys his age and they could all have a lot of fun together if only they were allowed to meet! Changbin told Lady Mom all of this, and put on his smartest voice. She listened well and she liked to do it.

 

“I see you’re at the age where people like to ask questions,” said Lady Mom and sat with Changbin at the table. “When Chan was your age three years ago, he never asked these things. He always spoke about his future, the probable one. Not something he can’t control, like the other side of the road.”

 

“Is it not normal?” asked Changbin.

 

“No, it’s very normal to ask questions. It’s good you do. But I can’t help you much about the other side of the road. The world has unspoken rules that we have to follow. If we’re not supposed to cross the road, then we just won’t do it. It’s as simple as that.”

 

“But I’m curious, I want to know —”

 

Lady Mom smiled at him and folded her hands in her lap. “It makes me proud to hear that my son stays persistent with his curiosity. But I promise you, this is a dead end. Save your curiosity for things that you are more likely to explore. You need the energy.”

 

Changbin thought about this. Energy? It wasn't like it was a hard task to cross the road. He could just . . . do it, and see what happens after that! But it was still a little bit scary. 

 

He was raised to think the other side of the road was taboo, and any thought that was different from this scared Changbin. 

 

“You have everything you need right here,” continued Lady Mom. “Why would you care about the other side of the road? I'll tell you a tale from my childhood — your grandmother would tell me when I was being a little greedy.”

 

She went on to tell him a story about a lumberjack. 

 

The lumberjack lived in a cabin in the woods, where he had everything he imagined he could need. In the summer, the cabin cooled well. During winter, he had a fireplace to warm himself at and enough furs from the animals he hunted to keep the rooms warm. 

 

He spent his days working, and when he needed to rest, he would curl up next to the fireplace and sleep for almost a day. When he felt like he needed a change, he would get his rifle from the cabin and go hunt animals for his collection of trophies. 

 

“Sounds like Chan-hyung,” Changbin interrupted the story and rubbed his chin. “He does that when he goes abroad.”

 

“I know, honey,” said Lady Mom in response and sighed, brushing strands of hair out of her face. “I told him to stop doing that, but children think they know everything about life the day their age hits a certain number. At least he doesn't bring those things home. I don't want to see any of that.”

 

“Me neither.” Changbin was just grossed out at the thought. Chan was such a nice guy . . . did he really have to kill animals just for fun? 

 

But back to the story. 

 

The lumberjack didn't think about money. His work was hard but honest and however much it earned him, it was more than enough. Because he was happy in his cabin, where there was no Wi-Fi, no TV, nothing! 

 

And so his days slipped by and his routine never changed. At the same time, his life never got boring. Days would repeat themselves and that was okay. The lumberjack thought time was a difficult thing to wrap his head around. 

 

Changbin asked why he wouldn't understand  _ time  _ and Lady Mom could not give him an answer. It was but a story. 

 

He was even engaged. He was promised to a beautiful farmer's daughter. This lumberjack was a rare case — normally, back then, all farmers wanted their daughters to dream big and wait until they married someone rich, someone powerful. They went to balls and danced, waiting for noblemen to think they were pretty. It was a time of change where noblemen didn't only marry of their kind.  


 

“Why did no one let them try and become rich and powerful themselves? They don't have to wait for boys,” wondered Changbin out loud. 

 

Lady Mom chuckled. “Son, you are really adorable. I agree of course, but you know things weren't like that back then. If women didn't wait to get married and didn't have children, they would be of no use to the family.”

 

“Oh God, that's terrible . . .” 

 

“We can't change the past, but I'm glad to know that you'll treat your future girlfriend well.”

 

Changbin smiled, but it was a sad smile. “‘Teamwork is important’ you said. I haven't forgotten it.”

 

Except . . . You know . . . As Changbin was getting older, he always wondered about how it would be like to have a girlfriend. It's very normal that suddenly, reaching a certain age, it's all you think about, really. 

 

But the more Changbin thought about it growing up, the less he wanted to have a girlfriend. It was a strange feeling to him. He tried thinking about living with a beautiful woman for the rest of his life, but that thought just didn't impress him. It wasn't something that felt real to him. He thought he might not be normal for that, that he didn't want to date a girl, that he didn't want to marry a girl, and the worst thought of all: he absolutely did  _ not _ want to do the baby-making thing. 

 

Once Wooseok got his first girlfriend, Changbin decided to talk to him about that. That no matter how much and in whichever way he thought about it, he didn't want to have a girlfriend. 

 

Wooseok had rubbed his jaw and said, “Would you want a boyfriend instead? That would be like, totally okay, you know that.”

 

But he didn't know that. It wasn't anything he'd ever talked to about with anybody. His face had gotten really, really red, and he changed the topic. 

 

He still kept thinking about it. 

 

That was a few years ago. Now Changbin knew that Wooseok was right. When he told Wooseok about that, Wooseok said _thank you for trusting me_ (this is a good way to react!) and then, “But I kind of knew it.”

 

“How?” Changbin has asked, face flushing red. 

 

“The way you'd look at Chani back in sophomore year of high school? The creme de la creme of all crushes I ever had to witness. Most of the others were pretty annoying, but you were reserved and Chani liked you back but you both didn't know that it was mutual and it made me just, like, scream inside.”

 

A bright exclamation mark had appeared above Changbin's head. “Was is that obvious? And  _ Chani liked me back?” _

 

Wooseok had punched the air. “Hell yeah he did. But now he has a girlfriend. I'm so mad.”

 

Changbin chuckled a little and rubbed his arm. “You seem to be more upset than I am.”

 

“Of course I’m upset, I—!” And then Wooseok had let out a string of weird, frustrated noises while punching his pillow and had made Changbin laugh. 

 

Thanks to Wooseok, he started feeling very comfortable with himself. 

 

He just didn't know how to tell Lady Mom about it yet. 

 

Pulling him out of thought, she already continued with the story. When Changbin got nervous he would pick at his nails, but he caught himself doing it and stopped. 

 

And even though the farmers wanted their daughters to hope for a prince, this farmer was happy with the lumberjack in the woods. He was a different father — he had two daughters, the oldest already married, the youngest looking for true love. She had found it in the lumberjack, and her father realized that he couldn't take this away from them. 

 

Promised to a wonderful woman, earning his money with honest work, being happy and satisfied with his life as it was, there was absolutely no need for the lumberjack to step out of what was  _ normal.  _

 

It wasn't a very supernatural thing to see something sparkling in the tree crowns. 

 

Birds stole all kinds of things all the time, among those could also be valuable things. The lumberjack was an honest man. He didn't need any of that, and if he did or his fiancée did, then he would buy it with his own money. 

 

But now that something valuable and expensive was shining in the tree, he couldn't resist. 

 

“Oh no, I know how this is going to end . . .” Changbin buried his face in his palms. 

 

“If you know how it ends don't chase that path.”

 

The lumberjack ended up climbing on the tree, but it was fragile. The branches weren't made to carry a huge, muscular man. A few meters over the floor and the branches snapped. 

 

Humans could usually survive a fall like that. But he landed in a twisted position, and his head hit the ground first. To survive, he needed help right away. 

 

But no one comes looking in the woods. 

 

“He shouldn't have done that,” said Changbin. “He was fine the way he was.”

 

“You're fine the way you are, too. So why do you want to step out of what is normal and go look for something that could possibly harm you?” Lady Mom played with her curls, elegant fingers tucking them to the side. “Some things we're curious about have to stay things we don't know. Otherwise the world would lose its charm. And it doesn't have much of that to begin with.”

 

Changbin mulled this over. She was kind of right. And she was his mom, she was older, she knew life better than him. Even though he was an adult now. But Changbin didn't want to be like Chan either. 

 

Lady Mom was his mother, so she had to be right. 

 

But it didn't let him go. 

 

“Is there a way I could at least get to see the boys?” Changbin asked. He knew for a fact that Lady Mom had some form of contact with Mr. Byun. He really didn’t know anything about them. Was Mr. Byun their dad? What were their names? He only knew about J, but that wasn’t a full name. Maybe Lady Mom could . . . make sure they could meet somehow?

 

Lady Mom rubbed her neck. “If you really want to do so dearly, then I will do my best. I could call Mr. Byun and ask to have dinner together, but I don’t know how that effective that will be for you.”

 

“Dinner together? Didn’t you say we couldn’t?”

 

“No, I mean we could set up tables at our respective sides of the road. And then eat. That way, you’d get to see the boys.”

 

_Wow,_ Changbin thought. That was a little bit disappointing. And it sounded . . . awkward. Very, very awkward. But still Changbin wanted to give that a try. After all, he hadn’t seen J in nine years. He wasn’t sure he’d recognize him, but he’d always seen the other boys, so it was safe to say that the person he didn’t know was probably him.

 

Lady Mom reached for the telephone and dialed a number. “Yes, hello, Mr. Byun? This is Kang Seoyoung. I wanted to propose a . . . “

 

And so Lady Mom set up the dinner. Changbin was happy to find out that Mr. Byun agreed, even though he was a little confused.

 

Changbin spent the afternoon with Jeongin, waiting for time to pass so it was finally time for dinner. His first plan had failed, but he had kind of expected that. It was too easy to work, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t try, right?

 

“Jeongin, that’s not how you play it,” said Changbin and removed Jeongin’s patty fingers from the domino cards.

 

In this version of domino, every card had two small animals on it, and you had to match the animals together. But Jeongin put a zebra to a frog and that just wasn’t how it worked! “You need to check and look for the same thing—” Changbin demonstrated by picking out another frog. He pointed at the frog in his hand, then on the one of the card. “See? Are they the same?”

 

Jeongin removed his pacifier. “Yes!” He put his pacifier back into his mouth.

 

“Good, Jeongin! So now that you have the same animal, you can put them together.”

 

Jeongin clapped into his hands and matched the frog to the other. The other side of the card showed a camel, so Changbin matched it, leaving Jeongin to match this card with a crab now. But Jeongin picked out an orangutan (okay, at least it was orange too) and tried to match it.

 

Now Changbin simply allowed Jeongin to match what he wanted, and Jeongin seemed happy with that.

 

Then Jeongin started yawning and his pacifier fell out of his mouth — and Jeongin started crying. “Chanbi,” Jeongin wailed, jumping to his feet and running over to where Changbin sat.

 

Changbin patted his back. “What is it, Jeongin? Hm?”

 

“Chanbi,” Jeongin cried again, burying his face into the crook of Changbin’s neck. “Chanbi.”

 

Changbin hugged him and stroked his hair. “Are you tired? Do you want to sleep?”

 

Jeongin nodded. Jeongin was definitely a crybaby. He wasn’t the type to fall and get up immediately. Whenever something happened that made Jeongin feel a little unwell (whether that was falling, feeling hungry or having to poop), the toddler started crying.

 

“Okay, I’ll put the game away and take you to sleep.” But Jeongin wasn’t happy with Changbin trying to pry him off so he could take care of it.

 

Changbin sighed. “. . . . alright then. Want me to join you?”

 

Instead of carrying Jeongin to his nursery, Changbin climbed onto the couch with him. Lady Mom hadn’t put away the blankets she’d used while watching TV, so Changbin covered Jeongin and himself with them and rested his head on a high pillow while Jeongin used his chest.

 

Jeongin’s body was still very small. His fourth birthday was slowly approaching and he still looked like he could be two years old. Changbin had learned that Jeongin grew up faster mentally than physically.

 

As soon as Jeongin had felt the warmth of the blankets and the comfort of Changbin’s chest, he’d stopped crying. And not long later, he was snoring peacefully on Changbin’s chest. The sound was like an odd lullaby, and while Changbin didn’t want to leave Jeongin as he waited for dinner time to come around, he also hadn’t planned to fall asleep. But he soon drifted off into dreamland as well.

  
  
  


Of course it had to be Hyunjin who woke him. He shook him awake and picked Jeongin off his chest. “Don’t — he’ll start crying!” Changbin yawned and ran a hand through his hair. Why did he always feel even more tired after sleeping?

 

But Jeongin didn’t. He slowly opened his eyes on Hyunjin’s shoulder, staring at Changbin for Hyunjin’s back was facing him. And then Jeongin giggled and wiggled his toes. Changbin’s heart felt really warm.

 

During their nap, Lady Mom had prepared a wonderful dinner. Now it was on Changbin and Hyunjin to carry tables outside and set them up for dinner. It calmed Changbin to see that the boys from the other house were doing the same thing. He couldn’t help but stare — which one of them was J? 

 

Lady Mom was placing a salad bowl on the table when her phone ringed. “It’s the police,” she said, and hurried back inside. Were there news on Chan’s whereabouts? Changbin wondered where he could possibly be. There were a few places he could go look for him, or try to help find him, but that was for Plan B. It looked like he was going to have to go for Plan B anway if tonight didn’t give him some type of contact with J.

 

Hyunjin placed Jeongin in his hi-chair and didn’t listen to his protesting brabbling. “Chanbi!” Jeongin whined, kicking his legs. He did not want to sit in the hi-chair.

 

“Wait, Jeongin.” Changbin was still staring at Lady Mom in the doorframe, listening to what the police had to tell her. He was so curious. Where could Chan be?

 

“Chanbi!” This time, Jeongin cried. He couldn’t help but sigh and go comfort his little brother. It was always funny to him how Jeongin never called out for Lady Mom. Sure, she spent the most time with him after Changbin and they got along well as mother and baby. But for some reason Jeongin only ever called for Changbin.

 

“It’s okay, Innie, it’s okay.” He gave him a kiss on the cheek and patted his head, taking the seat next to his. When he stopped, Jeongin turned his head and kissed Changbin’s cheek. It was a bit awkward because he did not know how to purse his lips to make a kissy mouth, so he just pressed his face into Changbin’s cheek. Hyunjin laughed and so did Changbin, but it was so cute that Changbin gave him another one.

 

“Tell something,” said Jeongin. 

 

“You want to tell me something?” Changbin turned and took Jeongin’s little hand. The toddler nodded. Jeongin didn’t talk much. They’d been to the doctor’s before, but he just said Jeongin needed time. He spoke when he wanted to and he could also make long sentences, but most of the time he preferred to just stay quiet. He only made long sentences when he was really mad, and Changbin found that was always really funny because he had troubles pronouncing things correctly. And the most used word in his vocabulary was probably  _ Chanbi.  _

 

Jeongin pointed at the boys setting up their table. “Eat with us?”

 

Changbin turned to look and found three boys carrying chairs. “They can’t eat with us. I want them to eat with us too, but Lady Mom and Mr. Byun both say it doesn’t work. So we’ll do it like this.”

 

But why only three boys? Changbin knew there were five boys living in that house. There was a blond one with freckles, too, probably the one he remembered best. But he wasn’t here with them. And another one, who, whenever Changbin saw him, wore a hat and glasses. He wasn’t there either. The only good thing was that neither of them were J. He didn’t know how J grew up to look like, but he knew neither the boy with the freckles nor the one with the hat was him.

 

So he had to be one of the other three. Two of which he also recognized. Then that third one . . . was that J? He had brown hair, big eyes and puffy cheeks. He wasn’t very tall. That was all Changbin could make out from here.

 

He didn’t want to walk to the street to get a better look at him, because then he would stare and that would be very weird. And he didn’t want him to be weirded out by Changbin. But it was still so very exciting. The boy who sent him letters didn't even look at him now. He was busy preparing the table. Changbin wondered what he was like. Changbin wondered what his real name was. Changbin wondered about so many things and the boy with the answers was _right there,_ right there, but Changbin could not go and talk to him.  


 

Lady Mom came back with the last few things they needed. “And? Any news on Chan-hyung?” Hyunjin asked, helping Lady Mom with the silver tray.

 

“Nothing,” she sighed, taking a seat. “Absolutely nothing. They even checked in with the international hunting club he joins when he’s abroad, but he hadn’t made any registrations.” She buried her face in her palms.

 

“Lady Mom don’t cry,” said Jeongin, reaching one hand out at her. “Don’t cry.” Jeongin always got upset at the sight of anyone crying. His bottom lip started trembling and tears welled up in his eyes again.

 

Lady Mom looked up. “It’s okay baby, I’m not crying. I just miss your brother very much, you know? I hope he is not in trouble and I hope he’s okay.”

 

“Where the hell did he go?” Hyunjin muttered, grabbing his chopsticks to dig in. Lady Mom had made meat, different kinds of salads, and many more delicious dishes in no time. She was truly a super mom. “This is weird.”

 

“Let’s not give up hope, understood?” Lady Mom said, picking up her own chopsticks. Changbin gave Jeongin his little plastic ones, which showed him how to hold them well by keeping his fingers where they should be. He remembered buying them for Jeongin, and he had been torn between getting the bear one or the car one, so he just got both. “Chan will come back soon. I’m sure of that.”

 

They started eating, but it was extremely awkward. They were having dinner together . . . but on different sides of the road. Jeongin was eating sloppily so at least Changbin had something more to do than eat and stare. Jeongin’s eating soon sparked a conversation and they were all chatting about this and that.

 

Every now and then, Changbin would look at the other family again. They were eating silently. They weren’t complete — the other two boys were missing. They weren’t speaking while eating and they didn’t even look at each other.

 

Changbin thought it was so weird. Looking at them like that, he almost started thinking they weren’t a family at all. Of course the boy he looked at the most was the one he thought to be J. He kept his head low as he ate and didn’t seem to say anything as well.

 

_ How weird, _ thought Changbin as he wiped Jeongin’s mouth. _ So weird. _

 

At night Changbin went out again. When they'd finished eating dinner, they cleaned up and waved at the boys. Surprisingly, they waved back! Changbin’s plan hadn’t led anywhere. At least he got to see J . . . but he wanted more than that, he wanted to talk to him and ask him so many questions. He was sure he had all the answers. Everything Changbin needed! 

 

But when Mr. Byun looked, the boys looked down again. Seeing this made Changbin dislike Mr. Byun. He seemed to be very controlling, and he did not act much like a dad. 

 

He reminded Changbin a little bit of Lady Mom’s husband. He was also a little bit mean, though he was kind of handsome and he and Lady Mom did look good together. 

 

What Changbin knew was that he always wanted children of his own, but Lady Mom simply couldn't get pregnant. They tried everything they could and nothing worked. He'd left shortly after they'd adopted Changbin. 

 

He didn't want to take in strangers’ children and pretend they were his own. He had endured Chan, tried it, but when the second boy came around he decided he wanted children of his own. 

 

Lady Mom was of course kind to him. She let him go, but she kept a photo of them together on her nightstand. Sometimes Changbin thought that she should try and meet another man. Maybe he could fill up the space her husband had left. But Lady Mom didn't want to do that. “I already have enough men in the house, can't take care of another giant baby, hm?” Lady Mom had laughed, but Changbin was sure the topic made her sad. 

 

Lady Mom, Changbin realized, deserved a lot more than life gave her. And because of that she made sure that her sons were living a comfortable life, where they learned a lot and prepared for the world. Maybe her experience was why she always taught them so much about relationships. Because she herself had learned a lot from her own not working out. 

 

Changbin had no rush with trying his knowledge. He wanted to first find a way to tell Lady Mom that he liked boys. Lady Mom was so kind, she surely wouldn't mind at all. But for some reason it was still difficult for Changbin to tell her. Hyunjin didn't know either. The only people who did were Wooseok and Chan. You probably still remember why Wooseok knew, and he'd told Chan because Chan was the same. 

 

Chan hadn't told Lady Mom but he told Changbin and Hyunjin. Chan liked, well, girls and boys! Chan didn't mind with whom he'd end up with, as long as he was happy. It was really comforting for Changbin to hear that Chan was similar to him. 

 

And still neither of them ever told Lady Mom. 

 

But now there were more important things to think about. Changbin had come outside at night because Jeongin finally fell asleep after annoying Hyunjin for two hours straight and all attempts on Changbin's part to get him to bed failed. For some reason, Jeongin was more than happy running around and bothering Hyunjin while he was playing video games.

 

When he’d given up, Changbin had gone to Lady Mom, and practically begged her for the telephone number. She was able to contact Mr. Byun, so why didn’t she let him try? He would ask for a boy with the initial J and then they’d talk briefly on the phone. It was okay if they never talked again after that, really, he just wanted answers!

 

But Lady Mom had said no, no and once more,  _ no. _ She didn’t like the boys begging and whining, especially not if they were nineteen years old. “Listen to me, Changbin,” she had said, putting on a very strict look. “It’s for the best. I rarely ever call him myself. Someone has to have a number in case of emergency.”

 

“If they’re the emergency number, shouldn’t everyone in this house know it?” Changbin had smiled inside. What he said made a lot of sense! In case of an emergency, they would have to call police and someone who could help in the meantime — what if Lady Mom wasn’t there if something happened? They wouldn’t be able to call!

 

Lady Mom, though, had only shrugged. “Nothing ever happens anyway.” Then she went back to reading her book. Very unlike her and how he knew her, Lady Mom’s favourite kind of books to read were scary books. Changbin wasn’t a fan of those. He liked fun ones, and ones that really stuck to you, make you root for the characters as if they were your friends. And he liked weird books, those that have you wondering what’s going on most of the time, but the more you read the more things start to make sense and at the same time everything just gets stranger. Those he liked. A lot.

 

He tried one more time but it was definitely a no. Changbin felt stupid about the next idea he had — it was very unmodern, and made him feel like a neanderthal. If those even knew how to speak, Changbin didn’t know. Anyhow, Changbin made his way to the gardens that evening still.

 

Their house and the house on the other side of the roads were the only houses in the whole street, so no one bothered with making travelling comfortable for them. Because of that, no buses ever drove past here, that’s what Chan always said. But Changbin knew it was because of this weird road. Some people could drive on it, like some postmen for example, and others couldn’t. It was a weird situation. Only a few days ago, Changbin wouldn’t even have thought about it. After all, this is how he grew up! If Lady Mom told him something, he believed it. But now that he was trying to find out if what she was saying was really true, he felt a little bit scared.

 

Changbin walked all the way to the gardens, an empty duffel bag in his hand. He stuffed it with huge, jagged, square rocks, until the back got so heavy that he wouldn’t be able to carry any more all the way back home. His idea was to write a few letters and tie them to the rocks, then throw over the road. That shouldn’t cause any problems, but as he walked back home when the sun was setting . . . he did feel a little bit stupid.

 

And he still felt stupid when he started writing his own letters to J. Not only because he had no other choice but to throw them, but also because he didn’t know what to write!   
  


Oh dear, what would he write?

 

_ Dear J. _

 

_ Thank you for the stickers, for the letters and most importantly your gifts! The shoes you gave me are very comfortable, but I like to keep them on display. And the ladybug is pretty too! I never really paid them much mind, but thanks to your gift, I’m becoming aware of every ladybug I see. _

 

Scrap that!

 

_ Dear J. _

 

_ Thank you for the stickers, for the letters and your birthday gifts! It means a lot to me to hear from you after all these years. It’s you, right? The boy with the street signs. I haven’t forgotten. Please tell me if it’s you. How do you know so much, about Chan disappearing, and everything? It’s so cool. I wish I had a way of talking to you more directly, but these letters should do. _

 

No . . . this isn’t it either.

 

_ Dear J. _

 

_ Who are you? _

 

Changbin crumpled up the used paper and threw it away. Nothing he wrote sounded right. He hated everything he wrote and he hated that he had to throw it like an idiot!!

 

He buried his face in his hands. “Keep it short,” Changbin told himself, picking up his pen again. “Keep it short and simple, like J.”   
  


_ Dear J. _

 

_ Thanks for your letters and the gifts, it means a lot. Are you the boy who kicked down the street signs all those years ago? I’m sure you must be, otherwise you wouldn’t care to write to me. How do you know everything that you do? How can I talk to you best? _

 

_ I’m anticipating a reply. _

 

_ Changbin _

  
  
  
  


And now Changbin was outside, ready to throw what he wrote. He’d written J and on the folded outside, so if his brothers (or whatever his relationship with those boys was) picked them up, they would hopefully give it to him.

 

He hesitated a lot. One, two, three — Changbin always told himself, and he lifted his arm up but couldn’t bring himself to throw it. This was a stupid idea. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

 

But then again, did Changbin have a choice? He didn’t have many ideas and he wanted to try this before he continued with his next plan. Do you have any ideas? What could Changbin have done? All he was doing now was try to get himself to throw the stupid rock!

 

The arm holding the rock felt really heavy now. It felt so heavy that Changbin almost couldn’t lift it anymore, even though Changbin was a really strong boy. He maintained his big cheeks all the while becoming stronger and gaining more muscles. Changbin was cute but he was strong! Strong enough to lift the stupid rock . . . but he couldn’t.

 

He decided to make one final effort of lifting it, and if he managed, he would just do it.

 

Suddenly, at this thought, the rock became lighter again, and Changbin brought his arm all the way behind his head and threw it as hard and far as he could. _That wasn’t so bad,_ Changbin thought, rubbing his palms together. It was freezing outside and he’d only come out in a tee.

 

And now excitement overcame him! 

 

_What will J reply? Will J even reply? What will happen after this? Will J send me a letter or will he throw something like me?_

 

He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait! For some reason Changbin hoped Lady Mom didn’t find out about this. He didn’t know if that would make her a little bit mad. She didn’t get mad at him or anyone often, really, but it was unpleasant when she was. It just didn’t suit her. She was born to be gentle and sweet. She was most of the time.

 

Changbin crept back inside and upstairs, speaking goodnights to Lady Mom and Hyunjin in the living room and disappearing into his own. What a successful day it was, even though it hadn’t gone according to plan!

  
  
  


He looked out of the window the next morning and — oh!!

 

There was a rock! And a colored piece of paper was tied to it!

 

Changbin quickly slipped into his slippers and ran downstairs, almost making Hyunjin fall over, because he was sleepily making his way downstairs. “Hyung!” Hyunjin groaned, rubbing his eyes. But now Changbin didn’t have time for that!

 

It seemed like Lady Mom hadn’t woken up yet, and that was a very good thing. He ran outside and went to get the rock. His own was nowhere to be seen, so he could be sure that it had been picked up and given to J if he wasn’t already the person who had taken it!

 

He carried the rock inside and ignored Hyunjin’s questions about it, hiding the letter in his robe. “Should I make breakfast?” asked Hyunjin. “Yeah yeah,” Changbin’s response. Changbin wasn’t really listening, he was so excited!

 

“Wake Jeongin!” Hyunjin called after him, and even though Changbin was still close enough to hear, he didn’t.

 

He quickly threw the rock into the duffel bag with his own and jumped onto his bed, ready to read what J had written in the letter. He pulled out his phone so he could tell Wooseok about this afterwards!

 

_ The ladybug _

 

_ J. _

 

Is . . . is that it? That’s all? No reply to Changbin’s questions, nothing? Okay, whatever. Changbin put his phone down again. He was a little bit disappointed. He found himself only a little bit disappointed very often these days, so why not be really disappointed for a change? Yes, Changbin was _super_ disappointed!

 

But even so, it made him even more curious, and made J seem all the more mysterious. Come to think of it, maybe that was what he liked. Maybe he _wanted_ to be mysterious and make all of this unnecessarily long! Changbin decided not to tell Wooseok. There just wasn’t anything spectacular to say.

 

Changbin wrote another letter. He made it longer this time, and he wrote all of his thoughts in it. Changbin was a little bit slow sometimes, sometimes he had to think long and hard to know what to do next, but it was clear to him that J meant he should have thrown the ladybug. What else could it mean?

 

So he wrote a longer letter and went to Chan’s room to get the ladybug.

 

Inside Chan’s room, Changbin suddenly felt lonely. He hadn’t realized how much his older brother meant to him until he was gone. Maybe it was good that plan A had failed . . . because he got to look for Chan in plan B. All of Chan’s things made him miss him a lot. All of Chan’s things had no personality, nothing that said ‘Hey, this is me!’ if Chan wasn’t there. Changbin had wanted to give him the ladybug when Chan returned on his birthday, but he never had so Changbin had silently taken it to his room. It could have been a pleasant surprise for when he was back.  


 

He grabbed the ladybug off his desk and went to his own room where he’d left the letter. He would wait until nightfall to throw it again, because around this time of day, Lady Mom was always very busy with work. 

 

_ Dear J. _

 

_ Why are you making this so difficult? Just give me a normal reply. I want to know who you are and how you know about all of this. And how do you do this, how does it work? You’re not making any sense and you’re not helping me understand either. I think that’s really shitty of you. Be straight to the point and don’t make this frustrating, okay? _

 

_ It’s not like you can’t talk to me. You can. So why not just do it? Why not work together? I really liked your presents and your stickers but I don’t understand why you’re not giving me any answers. What did your first letter even mean? _

 

_ ‘Just do what you think is right and the universe will align it to what is has in store.’ What the hell does that mean? _

 

_ I'm starting to think a lot about the road and I think you know a lot more than I do. Please, whatever you know and whatever you're planning, just talk to me about it. You're already interesting enough and all of this was a lot of fun but now it's getting annoying. I just want to know what's up, and I just want to know who you are and how you do what you do. I admire it. _

 

_ Please respond quickly. I’m so confused. _

 

_ Seo Changbin _

  
  


Lady Mom’s family name was Kang.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Changbin expected Wooseok to come over today. A few days had passed since they had last hung out together and Wooseok wasn’t only missing Changbin but Jeongin as well. Jeongin seemed to grow on everyone. He was irresistible with is chubby cheeks and little hands and curious brabbling and wiggling. Wooseok acted like he was his godfather, and to be honest, that was his fair right at this point.

 

When Changbin heard the doorbell ring, he took his time with going downstairs. He had just finished doing the evening exercises and taken a shower. He looked into the mirror and saw that his belly was finally becoming a lot more defined than it already was. He threw on a shirt quickly and stomped downstairs, ready to receive his friend.

 

But when he arrived in the living room, he saw Wooseok sitting on the couch while Lady Mom was doing something to his head. He needed a double take to realize that she was doctoring him. When she wiped a spot on his head with a bit of alcohol, Wooseok hissed and a tear slipped down his cheek.

 

“Is everything alright?” Changbin rushed over to his friend. 

 

Wooseok opened one eye. “Yeah, I’m good. This stupid thing hit me in the head out of nowhere.” Only now it was that Changbin saw the rock in his hand . . . and there was a letter tied around it. You know what it means, right?

 

“Did someone throw it at you?” asked Changbin and took the rock from him. That would be the first time someone saw J making an attempt to talk to him. It was a weird style of communicating, especially because J could send letters, but maybe he was doing it for fun. And now he’d hurt Wooseok!

 

“Nah, I didn’t see anyone.” Wooseok hissed again when Lady Mom continued to clean the wound. On a towel next to Changbin, there was a little bit of blood. “It came falling from above.”   
  


Changbin frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

Wooseok sighed. “I meant what I said. It fell from above, right on the top of my head. Not the back of it, not the side. On top of my head, as you can see.”

 

Yes, now that Changbin was paying closer attention, he finally realized that the wound Lady Mom was treating was on the top of his head. The stone could have fallen anywhere else then, on Changbin’s side of the road . . . but from  _ above? _ How did J make  _ that  _ work?  _ Did  _ that even work?

  
  


“Are you sure? That’s a bit strange, don’t you think?” asked Lady Mom.

 

But Wooseok seemed to be completely sure. “I can’t make this up. I swear on everything I own and my mother that this stone came falling from above and hit me on the head.”

 

Changbin frowned again. This was getting stranger and stranger. He untied the letter and unfolded it.

 

_ Thanks. Ladybugs are my favourite, you know. _

 

_ J. _

 

Changbin was usually a very calm young man, but this J guy was seriously driving him crazy! Why, oh, why was he not able to reply like a normal person?! And the ladybug had been his gift to begin with. Why was he acting like Changbin had gifted it to  _ him? _

  
  


Weird things were about to happen. Changbin knew that. There was something up that he needed to find out about, and J seemed to know the answer. He just had to find it. He just had to find  _ him.  _ By now his curiousity had become infinite. He needed to know.

 

Many days had passed and Plan A didn’t give Changbin the results he wanted. He had been sure this was going to happen — you know, it just couldn’t be this easy. So Changbin prepared himself for his Plan B, and maybe he had to try Plan C too. But it wasn’t time to think about that yet. Now he had to guide Wooseok to his room and let him take a nap, because the impact of the stone had made him really dizzy. Lady Mom gave him some medicine and now Wooseok was ready to fall asleep.

 

When the time was right, Changbin would start with Plan B.


End file.
